First off be more dramatic at two in the morning. I hope Ryan’s family wasn’t awake to see this tweet. A million questions running through their minds about what it could be. Is he coming out? It is Pride month. Maybe he’s transitioning. Or maybe he’s been compromised in a multi-layer cover-up to expose Warren Buffet as a Colombian gun runner for the cartel financing the project using Dairy Queen dividends. SPIT IT OUT.

Instead Ryan Spaeder just had his Michael Scott “I declare bankruptcy” moment.

Just declaring everyone cheated from his Twitter account. This person cheated, that person cheated. This team is a cheater and that team won a World Series being ahead of the cheating. Does he know you can’t just say the word cheating and expect anything to happen?

And then he went a step too far. He accused The Man himself Chase Utley of being the biggest cheater of all time.

Cheater? Ridiculously good looking yea. Most beloved Phillie of all time maybe. Played the game as hard as anyone at all time definitely. But cheater? Absolutely not. And the weirdest thing is this guy is supposedly really connected in baseball circles and his tweets exposed a ton of examples that would be hard to fabricate. But there was absolutely no context after the Chase tweet. You can’t put those types of allegations out in the world and not back them up. Was this guy not taught integrity as a child? Did he not have a good relationship with his father?

Here’s the rest. Shoutout Bob Wankel and Crossingbroad who saved me 5 minutes jacking these screenshots.

Alright breaking this down. The first thing I hate is in the second tweet when he says “he doesn’t mean to burn anyone..” Yes you do dude. If you didn’t care you’d take this shit to the grave. Don’t try to use your love for baseball as a shield that you’re a fucking rat like Jose Canseco and ARod. But if any of this shocks you get your head out of the sand. We knew every team stole signs. The length they went to steal signs is the crazy part. But the allegation against Adrian Beltre are the most hilarious. Just his buddy waving a beater in centerfield every time he was getting a breaking ball. I’d love to see video of Beltre’s guy waving his shirt around hanging from the foul pole like this hoss while security is trying to get him down.